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Archive for May, 2007

The Rocky Road of Love and Other Great Recipes

May 14, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: blogging, books, reviews, humor, food, writers, Emily Anderson 3 Comments →

I’m very excited about my friend Emily Anderson’s new blog, The Rocky Road of Love and Other Great Recipes which officially launches today.  Emily is the author of All-American Comfort Food, and writes for television and the Web and is on the staff of Paris Notes.  It should be clear, then, that Emily herself is far too busy to do any of the actual writing on the blog she produces.  Today’s recipe, for instance, was submitted by Samantha, whose own story of Great Food and Tempestuous Love will unfold in weekly episodes also appearing on the blog.  Tune in now!

Happy (snort!) Mother’s Day!

May 13, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: humor, poetry, videos, jokes, parenting, Mothers Day No Comments →

Sometimes when you ask for poetry, you get poetry.   But a lot of people are very bad at following directions.  I find this a great relief, actually:  It’s good to know I’m not alone!

From Gina (before getting to know this woman, one ought to invest in a super-sized package of Depends..) (& that’s probably a joke that only a mother would understand…)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhcA4Ry65FU]

From my dearest Susie:

If you’ve read the Give a Mouse a Cookie series, you will think  this is familiar…

IF YOU GIVE A MOM A MUFFIN
If you give a Mom a muffin,
She’ll want a strong cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll make herself some.
Her three year old will spill the coffee.
She’ll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she’ll find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she’ll trip
over boots and
bump
into the box of Goodwill items.
Bumping into the Goodwill items will remind her she
has to get these
boxes
in the car and out of her basement.
When she puts the boxes in the car, she’ll find a bag
of groceries and
this
will remind her she has to cook dinner.
She will get out the chicken defrosting in the fridge.
She’ll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Do With
Chicken).
The cookbook will be sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the Netflix movie she’s meant to mail and
the preschool
bill,
which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook will be in her purse that is being
dumped out by her one
year
old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the baby’s diaper.

As she finishes up, she’ll realize she brought the
hand sanitizer down
to
the kitchen.
While she is throwing away the diaper and searching
for the hand
sanitizer,
the phone will ring.
Her three year old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she wants to phone a friend not for
coffee but a very
strong drink.
Thinking of drinking will remind her that she was
going to have a
cup of coffee in order to stay awake for the rest of
the day.
And chances are…

If she finds her cup of coffee (which she has to
reheat by now),

Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

From Mindy, a woman always full of surprises:

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.  Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him.  He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom.

Well, we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old.  The middle one is Eli.  Eli really loves chapstick.  LOVES IT.  He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it.  So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother’s Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on.  My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box.  I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up.  Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli.  I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom.  And there was Eli.  He was applying my chapstick very carefully to Jack’s . . . rear end.  Eli looked right into my eyes and said “chapped.”  Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right–their little butts do look pretty chapped.

And, frankly, Jack didn’t seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether  it was  the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat’s behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother’s Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they’ve been using your chapstick on the cat’s butt.

The Baby: A Mother’s Day Poem

May 12, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: humor, poetry, parenting, Mothers Day 2 Comments →

———————————————————
By my friend  Kurt Lash, who once let me sing back-up…
———————————————————

 

On a night so dark and dreary
I found myself with eyes so bleary
staring at the TV blankly
while the baby diapered stankily
opened crackered mouth and said to me

Quoth the baby, “Motherdear”

Startled from my dreamy revelries
Gaping at such infant devilry
Having hoped, but now knew sadly
baby’s first would not be “Daddy”
drooling mouth again spoke clear:

Quoth the baby, “Motherdear”

Demon boy! What of the sweat of father’s?
Who, although some say he rarely bothers
to change dark diapers, yet plays the baby videos
and often makes a bath time cameo
and always, somewhere, to his child is near?

Quoth the baby, “Motherdear”

All right then! If it must be so,
I’ll change thee then, and then ye’ll know
that I, like mother, am committed
to see thee changed when thee is wetted
There! Now it’s done! What do I hear?

Quoth the baby, “Motherdear”

“No respect,” I darkly muttered,
from the words that he had uttered,
uttered from his changing table
like words to Scarlet from Clark Gable
in this world, Dad’s in the rear

Quoth the baby, “Motherdear

Mother’s day poetry wanted

May 11, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: books, humor, poetry, parenting, writers, Mothers Day, Billy Collins No Comments →

I have a dear friend who lives too far away, but pops in and out of my life once or twice a year, usually by email.  She just sent me a lovely Billy Collins poem in honor of Mother’s Day.  It’s called “The Lanyard,” and is part of his latest collection, The Trouble with Poetry.  Here’s just part of it:

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sickroom,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
 
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

You can see the text of the whole poem here on NPR   (and listen to an NPR interview with Billy Collins as a bonus!)

Do you have any other Mother’s Day poems to share?  Please leave a comment with a link so we can share it/them together this weekend. 

And speaking of Billy Collins:  here’s an animated video-version of his delightful poem, Forgetfulness (click here)

Even better is this gorgeous, gorgeous video of Billy Collins poem, On Turning Ten (click here)

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Related posts:
The Baby: A Mother’s Day Poem 
Happy (snort!) Mother’s Day (A video.  A muffin.  A cat’s butt…)

Great idea!

May 09, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: business, lying, resumes, Marilee Jones No Comments →

From Time Magazine Commentary: “MIT Dean Marilee Jones Flunks Out” (May 4, 2007):

M.I.T. has lost an apparently great dean at a time when you don’t read a lot about successful university administrators. And, it turns out, she is one who had a personal as well as professional understanding of the stresses of our résumé culture. It would be a useful lesson for M.I.T.’s students if the gatekeeper who gets to award the golden credential of a degree from the world’s most prestigious technical institution is someone who lacks that kind of credential. It would say, “Don’t let it go to your head. An M.I.T. diploma isn’t necessary. In fact, it isn’t sufficient either. There are qualities that M.I.T.’s admissions office can’t sort for and its distinguished professors can’t teach. And as you go off to face the world with your M.I.T. degree, you may or may not have them.”

Instead of dumping her, M.I.T. might want to consider giving Jones an honorary degree. We’re coming up on the season when universities hand out these things with abandon, often to people who never saw the inside of a classroom at this, or sometimes at any, university. These folks get honorary degrees because they gave the university a million or two from piles so large you can’t even see the dent. Then she could go to the university health services and get another piece of paper stating that the résumé fib was the result of stress. She’s the expert on résumé stress, after all. And then let her go back to the work she apparently does so well.

Click here to read the whole Time article  (it’s short!)

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Related Posts:
MIT blew it
Hail Marilee, denied any grace
The Marilee Jones joke
How to (almost) get Marilee

The more things change, the more they stay insane.

May 08, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: blogging, business, humor, success, employment, freelancing 2 Comments →

“Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps”    Emo Phillips

Frankly, I’m in an (almost) funk.  I met with two great guys at our favorite diner this a.m. to talk about some paying projects we have coming down the pike.  That’s good news, too.  But I also may just have lost one of my clients (for whom I was writing copy about one of the most boring subjects you can imagine – I mean, if you were going to pick a subject that was so quintessentially boring that you could make a great joke about it?  This one would be it.)

Nevertheless, it was honest work and paid well. I like the client too (as I generally do), and fervently believe in their right to assertively market a solid and necessary product.  Moreover, it truly is an interesting challenge to help people in such obvious need of a “make-over.”  Also, I’m learning a great deal. 

It’s really sweet to be (almost) employed.  That’s about how I would describe things at the moment, given I’ve only been (almost) freelancing for a couple of months now, and have only made enough money doing it to buy a new laptop (which was, first and foremost, NOT a Dell.  Dells are great, but they are also standard-issue at The Institution Which Shall Not be Named.  So of course I had to buy something else!)

Some have asked if I’d keep writing this blog.  Is it fraudulent to write about being unemployed when, technically, I’m not?  But then again, I would feel equally fraudulent  claiming I know everything there is to know about being an employed person now. 

Besides.  I have yet to write about my various inquiries and explorations of going back to school.   About all the post-stay-at-home-mom career issues that I’ve been obsessed with for the past few years.  About how even after you’ve taken all the personality type indicator tests that exist over the course of your ever-lengthening life – and even taught some of the WORKSHOPS for God’s sake – it’s still possible to have no idea what to do next.

Or how incredibly complicated life can become sometimes, especially whenever one is tempted to get smug, so that all of the normally-healthy, normally-obvious “things to do next” are neither.  Oh well.  As Whoopi Goldberg quipped,  ‘normal’ is just a setting on the washing machine.

I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.

———–
Related Posts:
Success!
In Defense of Thoughts

Getting In

May 05, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: business, education, parenting, writers, talent, Malcolm Gladwell, Marilee Jones No Comments →

I promise not to mention Marilee Jones any more but this once.  I was very pleased today, however, to have been able to unearth an online copy of one of my all-time favorite essays by one of my all-time favorite essayists.  Here it is, from the October 2005 New Yorker Magazine: Getting in: the social logic of Ivy League admissions,  by Malcolm Gladwell

What is talent?  What REALLY makes people economically successful?  How much does “being smart” matter in business, let alone in the general scheme of things?  And who decides and unlocks the gates for us?

I’ve added some related links (see right) which you may be interested in reading, too, especially if you have children (as I do) heading to college soon.  Enjoy!

N.B.: Once today’s links have expired, you can always find them in my “del.icio.us” archive by clicking directly on the ”del.icio.us” links headline, or by clicking here

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Related Posts: 
MIT blew it
Marilee Jones joke
Hail Marilee, denied any grace

How to (Almost) get Marilee


Coming Out: I’m a closet academical

Playing around

May 04, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: blogging 2 Comments →

I’m playing around with my wordpress “theme” here.  Someone said the other looked too crowded, and I agree (wordpress.com host won’t let you fiddle with the settings very much.)  I kind of like this look.  What do you think?

How to (almost) get Marilee

May 04, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: feminism, lying, talent, fear, jobless, resumes, Marilee Jones 1 Comment →

Turns out Marilee Jones does have a college degree: a BA in biology from the College of Saint Rose, a small Catholic College in Albany.  Along with Saint Rose and MIT, Jones was awarded the degree in 1973, six years before she first applied to MIT.

However, MIT now also claims that while Jones inexplicably omitted the Saint Rose degree, she not only claimed two other (unearned) degrees when she first applied, but later added the third (unearned) degree from Albany Medical College AFTER she began working for MIT.  This contradicts Jones’ own statement made last week, which still suggested she had no degree whatsoever, and only lied the once.

I’m going to need therapy over this.

My thesis has been than Marilee Jones lied, but that she is not a LIAR.  It makes all the difference.  Too many people have wanted to essentialize Jones, repainting her entire character and accomplishment with a single flaw: a tragic error which, nonetheless, I think I’ve argued is both understandable and forgivable. 

MIT’s chancellor believes he’s being charitable by describing Jones as “short on credentials but long on potential.”

An angry letter  published in the Boston Globe sputters:

In the eyes of this alumnus (1950 and ‘53), Jones has disgraced herself, dishonored a prestigious educational institution, and tarnished the reputations of the tens of thousands of MIT graduates for whose admission she was responsible. There is no substitute for honesty, most especially at a research institute whose main contribution to society consists of graduates imbued with the zeal to become productive citizens seeking the truth in whatever they do. How do we alumni now know what criteria have been applied for decades in selecting the pool of MIT freshmen each year? Jones’s “positive legacy” now needs to be carefully reviewed and amended appropriately.

Okay, look.  I have never said that it was okay for Marilee Jones to lie on her resume.  While it’s true that I carry big ugly cigars around in my purse now, it’s because they remind me that it’s okay to be bad every now and then.  But I don’t actually smoke them, because life feels a lot better when one is not throwing up. 

I do actually have a point here, and I want to say it one last time, very emphatically, before I’m quite ready to drop this whole thing, okay?

Memo to snotty Dr. MIT Chancellor and all the rest of the world:  Marilee Jones was FULLY credentialed.  Her legacy stands.  If this were a surgeon who lied about going to medical school (it’s happened!) that would be different.  A skilled mimic might actually become quite good at performing routine appendectomies, but if a complication arose,  his or her medical training would be called into play.  

But there is no “Dean of Admissions” school.  Jones’ 28 years of experience in MIT’s office of admissions *are* her “credentials,” just as surely as they would have been if she had not lied on her resume.

Nor is it at all helpful to suggest, as some (with degrees!) have done, that “had she gone to college, perhaps she would have taken a course in ethics.”    Since when did a course in ethics make one ethical?   Are we really now going to start making THOSE kinds of arguments?  If anything, I would hope that college-educated people, particularly those who have taken any philosophy, let alone any history, would have learned better than THAT.

I’m going to go lie down, now.  Tomorrow: new subject.

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Related Posts:
MIT blew it
Hail Marilee, denied any grace
The Marilee Jones Joke
The Devil and Ms. Jones

Hail Marilee, denied any grace

May 02, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: business, humor, success, lying, employment, talent, jobless, career change, unemployable, exploitation, Marilee Jones 2 Comments →

Still thinking about Marilee Jones.  A lot.  I’ve been reading lots of good commentary on the situation (some of the best to which I’ve posted links, right column) 

Our world, most especially the academic part of it, is still astonished at (and extremely resistant to) the idea that anyone can be so good at something without a degree.  Even in cases when they can produce two pages of (verifiable) publications and achievements. 

We can huff and puff all we want to about how a degree is a useful standardized measure of dependability or capability.  Or whatever.  We may even be right, most of the time.   But all our noise flies out the window when we have an exception right in front of us, proof in hand, and we turn the other way.  That is the point at which our myth is exposed.  We don’t care about the “dependability and capability” after all – our true fealty is to the degree!

Most of human chauvinism, of course, is based on self-interest, e.g.:  I worked hard on my own degree, and I need it to mean something.  I don’t WANT people without degrees to be as qualified as I am.  (Personally? I also permanently damaged my career in order to hand-raise my children, and thus don’t WANT the children of working parents to be as wonderful and well-adjusted as mine are!)  

Life is about exceptions, though.  And ah, confession is good for the soul.  ;)

I don’t know Marilee Jones personally of course, but any accusation that she was a greedy “opportunist”  I dismiss out of hand.  We all are all of us that, and in this country it’s considered a virtue.

However, I do agree with other commentators that much depends upon whether she is a pathological liar.  I strongly suspect she is not.  I believe, instead, that much of the great good that she has contributed came from an interior acknowledgement of her own mistake.  As penance for it, even.  I think she has been truly sorry for much of the last 28 years. 

I also think it is absolutely wrong, even in the slightest degree, to look backwards now and recast her whole working history in light of this new information (that she had no degree.  And that she lied.)  To do so is fraudulent on our part, and only exposes our own grave disingenuity and chauvinism:

“She didn’t have a degree, so turns out she doesn’t know what she is talking about.”

“She lied, so therefore can say nothing to us at all about how to tell the truth.”

Garbage.

One of the things Marilee wrote about (and yes, we’re on first name basis now) was the importance of integrity.  In a book she co-authored last fall, Less Stress, More Success: A New Approach to Guiding Your Teen Through College Admissions and Beyond,  she writes:

Holding integrity is sometimes very hard to do because the temptation may be to cheat or cut corners.  But just remember that ‘what goes around come around,’ meaning that life has a funny way of giving back what you put out.

This is what I tell my kids, too.  But reading those words now makes me ache.  Just listen to her confession, her fear, even her contrition.  Thing is?  People who cheat quite often do get away with it, and people who don’t cheat quite often get shafted.  Sometimes, unfortunately, ‘virtue has to be its own reward.’  And often a pretty damned shabby one, at that.

Moreover, it’s just cheap for those who “have” to admonish those who “haven’t” for being greedy and ungrateful.

I’ve been hanging around the academy for over 20 years now.  Guys, academics do really ugly things, all of the time.  (as humans do in general, I imagine.)  They plagarize.  Have terrible, exploitative affairs. Torpedo the careers of each other’s Ph.D students out of sheer spite. 

And yes, quite often, they lie. 

According to the New York Times article on the subject of Marilee Jones’ “resignation”, Phillip L. Clay, M.I.T.’s chancellor declared:

There are some mistakes people can make for which ‘I’m sorry’ can be accepted, but this is one of those matters where the lack of integrity is sufficient all by itself.  This is a very sad situation for her and for the institution. We have obviously placed a lot of trust in her.

(The aptly-academic Latin to respond with here would be ”res ipsa loquitur“)

Dr. Clay is probably correct that there is no conceivable way that MIT or any other university could re-absorb Marilee Jones back into its ranks, but “integrity” has very little to do with it.  Jones is now a public embarrassment to them and worse, an irreducible iconoclast.   (as in, literally: “a breaker or destroyer of images, esp. those set up for religious veneration. a person who attacks cherished beliefs, traditional institutions, etc., as being based on error or superstition.”)

She’s gotta go. 

In a fair world, though?  Half the rest of ‘em would go with her.

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Related Posts: 
MIT really blew it
Marilee Jones joke
How to (Almost) get Marilee
Coming Out: I’m a closet academical