Almostgotit.com

My 11-yr-old daughter got braces today, and since I am currently the flexible, unemployed parent, I’m the one who took her to the orthodontist. Before taking her back to school afterwards, I took that cute kid and her new mouth out for lunch to try it out.

We found ourselves doing a mother-daughter “Gilmore Girls” act as we tried to guess at the profession of the women gathered at an adjacent table. “They look like plastic ladies!” my daughter whispered. It’s true… though their bodies came in the normal variety of shapes and sizes, they had strangely-colored helmets of hair, strangely-colored orange skin, and they were even shiny. One began passing around neatly bound notebooks to the others, with “Beauty Consultant Success!” printed on the cover.

What the heck is a “Beauty Consultant?” And please: will no one ever make me be one?!?

We had friends in England who laughed at our American fetish for straight teeth, and I confess it did give me pause today, paying the after-insurance price of $3900 for my daughters’. But I also must confess that I love my new Maybelline Superstay 16 hour lipgloss which really DOES last all day though it costs almost $10.00 (lipstick is very important here in the South. A friend’s very elegant mother taught her — and imagine a Scarlett O’Hara accent here — “No woman over 30 should EVAH go out without lipstick and earrings!” I’ve pretty much adopted this rule myself. Because it makes me feel pretty, that’s why!)

But I suspect those “Beauty Consultants” are being paid to make women feel even more insecure so they can urge us to buy even more plasticizing products to make us feel better. Sort of reminds me of the 19th century British promoting opium dependency in Hong Kong, just to reap the profits.

Wouldn’t it be nice if a instead of a sales pitch for strange and expensive products that make us into shinier cartoons of ourselves, a Beauty Consultant would encourage women to be strong and healthy, wise and loving instead?

I want to be lovely and loved, sure, but I have no interest in becoming a “Bratz” doll.