DOG FOR SALE, CHEAP
February 23, 2009 By: almostgotit Category: Jerry, Uncategorized, dog, family, humor, parenting, time management
Genuine Rhodesian FridgeSnack, age 2 yrs. Excellent time management tool: esp. adept at waking family at Good-God-O’clock on freezing Feb. Monday mornings with loud vomiting sounds, forcing prompt action as well as hurried making of fires and coffee.
Effective: collects & contains all fleas within 5 mile radius, 12 mos/yr, further assuring early am wakefulness as family has been kept alert all night due to great deal of loud scratching.
Helpful: Will clean out your litter boxes, sort through your garbage, and assist in controlling your caloric intake by stealing and eating the egg breakfast you didn’t need this morning, anyway.
Efficient: once family is thoroughly activated at Good-God-O’Thirty, will then rest up for the rest of the day to better serve again the next morning.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:57 am
Well we would have taken you up on the offer but really we need an animal that can compete in the ‘destroy shoe marathons’ which ours already enjoy – sorry!
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Special advice from your shepherd friend, Teddy Blue: you can also fictionalize things to bark at. Your people will find this particularly amusing at 2:00 am as they bolt upright out of bed, adrenaline pumping. This trait will add nuance to your resume. (And make sure you choose soft, porous surfaces for the wretching and vomiting, like, say, RUGS—instead of the much easier-to-clean hard surfaces you might have chosen instead.)
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Ah, yes. Waking to the sound of dog-retching. How many times I picked up my various Miniature Schnauzers, running to the front door to try to throw them outside before the Real Thing emerged. They were kind enough to give us 4 or 5 dry heaves before the deposit was made. Sadly, our efforts were rewarded no more than half the time. But sometimes I made it to the hard surface mentioned above so the clean-up was not so arduous. A large dog makes the carry-and-throw technique impossible, though. Too bad.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Wow, that’s one multi-functional dog!
February 24th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
“Good-God-O’clock on freezing Feb. Monday mornings with loud vomiting sounds,” i’m very familiar with this particular functionality!
February 25th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Canines seem to run on solar panels, don’t they?
My dogs have a Cat Accessory, responsible for the waking with pinpricks to exposed toes, and whisper-soft regurgitations as opposed to the old mechanical barfs. Altogether a much quieter system.
February 25th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Hi almostgotit! Thanks for stopping by in my little world yesterday! I’ll definitely add you to my list of site that I check in on regularly. (I work a job that lets me, er, “research” quite a bit.)
Your dog is very cute, although I live in a secured apartment building…so I only have the Cat Accessory system installed at my place.