Playing to win: new rules of womenomics
June 02, 2009 By: almostgotit Category: employment, feminism, playing to win, unemployed, womenomics, working 
Katie Hnida, a 1999 placekicker for the University of Colorado
Hat tip to Kathy, who alerted me today of the Salon.com article,
She works too hard for the money: The authors of Womenomics challenge professional women to say no to overly demanding jobs — even in a recession.
We are in tough times indeed. Jobs are scarce. Unemployment is more common, and potentially more devastating, than ever. Folks already at a career disadvantage (mothers returning to the work force, for instance) are at a greater disadvantage than ever, too.
And along with the increase in unemployment is an growing deluge of career advice.
How should a person navigate these ever-deepening waters? At the risk of adding to the flood, Almostgotit would like to propose that
- Even the best advice is only as good as it is also useful, and
- If anyone’s advice fails to work for you, even if it comes from experts, you should throw it out.
Take the Harvard-Business-School-Approved“Best alternative to negotiated agreement (BATNA)” approach, for instance. What if you really don’t *have* a great alternative plan, nor the confidence to act as if you do? What if you are, as increasing numbers of us are, so depleted by fighting a series of losing battles that your ability to follow — or benefit from – ANY standard plan of action has all but vanished?
Do you then settle for the idea (whether objectively true or not) that you have no other choice but to accept a low-paying or otherwise exploitive job, thus feeling like even more of a failure?
Perhaps a change of metaphor is called for here, instead, (or a “reframing,” if you prefer cognitive psychology talk.)
For many women, this may mean acting more like the stereotypical ballsy male. According to many of my own career advice books, sports metaphors are very popular with men. Perhaps they should be more so with women, too… especially in what is still a male-dominated workforce. Why not try it and see if it works better than drumming up a demoralizing “Plan B”?
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Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Professor of History, Harvard University
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Imagine you are the star quarterback. If that feels too arrogant, Get Over It! When it comes to furthering your own career, you SHOULD consider yourself a star, so that you can also present yourself as such.
If you are a woman, imagine that you are the most badass, muscular female quarterback ever to hit the pros, and that you’ve made it all the way to the Super Bowl!
You are on the verge of winning it all!
And here’s the thing: star quarterbacks play to win. They intentionally don’t HAVE an alternative plan.
Can you imagine a coach telling his team before the Super Bowl that they should play hard but also be prepared to lose? And what if the coach also insists on a time out so he can tell your team how long the odds are, not because he expects you to beat those odds but because he insists that you all be prepared to graciously concede the game to the stronger team?
Would a badass star quarterback on the verge of winning the Super Bowl really put “Being a Good Sport” at the top of her agenda?
And would she still want to play for such a coach?
If imagining yourself as a star quarterback is not a helpful metaphor for you, then by all means throw it out.
But if it resonates at all, then you might want to consider: what are your friends, colleagues, coaches, and even family members telling you about your own merits and abilities? Are they supportive, or are they really counseling you to lose?
As if you needed any more discouragement, come on now!!
Play to win. Men play that way, and so should you.
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Wanna see something that will make you hang garlic over your doorstep to keep out vampires? This is the antithesis of what you’re talking about.
http://videogum.com/archives/video-skeletons/did-any_072032.html
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Wow, did THAT make me feel ill! Thanks for the link… I GUESS!
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:12 pm
I’m glad to say that I’ve decided not to settle for less. I’ve decided to settle for nothing at all, giving my name in three weeks ago as a volunteer to three nonprofit organizations. Sure would be nice, though, if at least one of them called me.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Wishing you very well, Waterjay! I think the standard limit for polite silence is two weeks. Call ‘em up, I say, ask if their positions are still available, and tell ‘em you’re still interested!
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Hello. I like this post. It made me think. Not so much about me going for it (though that, too), but more about how I set my friends and family up: “what are your friends, colleagues, coaches, and even family members telling you about your own merits and abilities? Are they supportive, or are they really counseling you to lose?”
Good reminder to make sure I’m amped about loved-ones hopes and dreams and not just being the voice of ‘reason.’ It’s lovely in Seattle, should you have time for a visit. XO.
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Trika, we’re COMING TO SEATTLE! I’ll Facebook you. (and what a weird verb THAT is.)
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I don’t really play to win that much. I mostly play to break even.
June 5th, 2009 at 5:37 am
Fair shakes, Dennis, and you’re right. SOME men play to win, and a lot more women OTTA. How’s that?
September 8th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
I recently decided to walk away from a high-paying professional job in favor of staying home with my daughter and working from home. It’s a terrifying transition and all I’ve been doing is coming up with plan b, plan c, plan d, and so on. It’s a good reminder that we have to expect the best for ourselves and play to win instead of always expecting the worst!
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Isn’t that the truth. Well-behaved men rarely do, either. Every successful person has to dig deep for the confidence to make it!
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:26 am
I think one should play as per one’s own nature. I do agree that many men play to win. It also means that there are many others who do not play to win. Similarly some women play to win and many do not do so.
You can only play as per your own nature. And as you said even if the advice comes from the best of sources but it does not appeal to you or fit your own mental makeup, then do not accept it.
Having said all that, I believe that the reasons for the increased unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life and with jobs is that we are trying to force fit ourselves in situations because of peer and societal pressures or norms of success. If each person – man or woman – analyzed what is it that gives him or her happiness and satisfaction and then chalked out a plan / career path / life path, then we would end up making this planet a happy place – a la heaven!