Almostgotit.com

Image

Lemme tell you how kind and forgivin I’m fixin to be to all them gol dern folk who keep on makin them trash mouth, false accusations. 

And yessir, Dante, you kin bet I’m talkin to you too.

Here in Knoxville’s fancy little neighborhood called Chigger Woode, we share together a little ole vacant lot — er, a “private park,” that is.  Once a year er so, ezzactly ten percent of them what owns the park (addin up to 6 whole, intire bodies!) come on down hair to weed, trim, and mulch the whole dern place ourselfs. 

This year Clem brung along one of them fancy weed wotchamacallits to hepp us all out.  Afore we quite knew it, though, we done cut down a few too many of them weeds, and found ourselves lookin right at a neighbor feller’s terrible shy gee-rodge.

We been doin our best to patch thangs up with that poor, shy ole gee-rodge ever since. 

Thought we’d final done it, too, til a couple days ago, that ole gee-rodge’s owner feller got hisself so worked up he done sent out one of them emails to ever single other gal and feller in the whole intire neighborhood of Chigger Woode, answerin I guess to the friendly little newsletter thang what I myself had sent out just a wee bit previous.  

Them thangs he puts in quotations were took right out of my own mouth after I sent it, too.  

… with regard to what happened at the park “clean up”, I would not say that “all is well on that front.”  In all actuality, nothing has changed since that debacle.

I reckon what that poor ole gee-rodge really wants is money.  Buncha other gals done already offered several free of them real nice nandina bushes, a lot better than those ratty old weeds we took out even, but it look like only a full home ree-model plus a big ole trust fund is gonna make that gee-rodge happy.

. . . In addition to the destruction of our privacy, we … are now blinded by the light at the dance studio on Nexttochigger road every time we sit in our yard at night.

Sad thang is, though, I don’t have enough money for no full home ree-model, not for me nor any other feller in Chigger Woode, neither.

But I up and buyed us all thisun instead, hopin it might help smooth things over:

How bout that, sad ole mister gee-rodge?  Aren’t I demonstratin a great big helpin of right proper good sported-ness?

. . . Simple kindness and “good sportedness” will not reimburse my wife and I for the [many thousands of dollars] that we are having to spend … 

Land sakes, mister gee-rodge, but you is one tough cookie.  I guess I could find a few more pennies if I look under Pa’s whiskey jar, then least I could buy you thisun too:

Hugs and kisses,

Almostgotit