Some folks been a-worryin and tellin me it warn’t too smart for me to write what I done, but I’m not afeared. I don’t have no life to write about otherin the one I live in Chigger Woode, so that’s what you git.
None of them weeds Clem cut was even on the gee-rodge’s propity, anyhow.
I could say a lot more bout thangs, but doggonit, I won’t. Makin it a funny story hepped me plenty enough.
Lemme tell you how kind and forgivin I’m fixin to be to all them gol dern folk who keep on makin them trash mouth, false accusations.
And yessir, Dante, you kin bet I’m talkin to you too.
Here in Knoxville’s fancy little neighborhood called Chigger Woode, we share together a little ole vacant lot — er, a “private park,” that is. Once a year er so, ezzactly ten percent of them what owns the park (addin up to 6 whole, intire bodies!) come on down hair to weed, trim, and mulch the whole dern place ourselfs.
This year Clem brung along one of them fancy weed wotchamacallits to hepp us all out. Afore we quite knew it, though, we done cut down a few too many of them weeds, and found ourselves lookin right at a neighbor feller’s terrible shy gee-rodge.
We been doin our best to patch thangs up with that poor, shy ole gee-rodge ever since.
Thought we’d final done it, too, til a couple days ago, that ole gee-rodge’s owner feller got hisself so worked up he done sent out one of them emails to ever single other gal and feller in the whole intire neighborhood of Chigger Woode, answerin I guess to the friendly little newsletter thang what I myself had sent out just a wee bit previous.
Them thangs he puts in quotations were took right out of my own mouth after I sent it, too.
… with regard to what happened at the park “clean up”, I would not say that “all is well on that front.” In all actuality, nothing has changed since that debacle.
I reckon what that poor ole gee-rodge really wants is money. Buncha other gals done already offered several free of them real nice nandina bushes, a lot better than those ratty old weeds we took out even, but it look like only a full home ree-model plus a big ole trust fund is gonna make that gee-rodge happy.
. . . In addition to the destruction of our privacy, we … are now blinded by the light at the dance studio on Nexttochigger road every time we sit in our yard at night.
Sad thang is, though, I don’t have enough money for no full home ree-model, not for me nor any other feller in Chigger Woode, neither.
But I up and buyed us all thisun instead, hopin it might help smooth things over:
How bout that, sad ole mister gee-rodge? Aren’t I demonstratin a great big helpin of right proper good sported-ness?
. . . Simple kindness and “good sportedness” will not reimburse my wife and I for the [many thousands of dollars] that we are having to spend …
Land sakes, mister gee-rodge, but you is one tough cookie. I guess I could find a few more pennies if I look under Pa’s whiskey jar, then least I could buy you thisun too:
Hugs and kisses,
Almostgotit
As my two readers know perfectly well, Almostgotit tends to get a little worked up about things.
Nor does it help that Dante, one of my weird medievalist friends, has been spreading heinous rumors about me: namely, that I stole a fossil from a certain riverbed full of them, despite there being some sort of giant sign saying people shouldn’t.
As if it would even be wrong to pocket the tiniest little disintegrating fossil that already had broken loose from the massive 200 ACRES of them and was therefore in imminent danger of being ground to dust under someone’s careless foot.
Nevertheless, no unemployed person in her right mind would ever allow the slightest crime of this sort to blemish her record. Certainly I would never, and Dante’s claims are a total fabrication and utter rot, of course.
Dante, however, is the sort who might even call it “stealing” if one were simply to borrow his phrase “Chigger Woode” at some time in the very near future.
~*~*~*~
Katie Hnida, a 1999 placekicker for the University of Colorado
Hat tip to Kathy, who alerted me today of the Salon.com article,
She works too hard for the money: The authors of Womenomics challenge professional women to say no to overly demanding jobs — even in a recession.
We are in tough times indeed. Jobs are scarce. Unemployment is more common, and potentially more devastating, than ever. Folks already at a career disadvantage (mothers returning to the work force, for instance) are at a greater disadvantage than ever, too.
And along with the increase in unemployment is an growing deluge of career advice.
How should a person navigate these ever-deepening waters? At the risk of adding to the flood, Almostgotit would like to propose that
Take the Harvard-Business-School-Approved“Best alternative to negotiated agreement (BATNA)” approach, for instance. What if you really don’t *have* a great alternative plan, nor the confidence to act as if you do? What if you are, as increasing numbers of us are, so depleted by fighting a series of losing battles that your ability to follow — or benefit from – ANY standard plan of action has all but vanished?
Do you then settle for the idea (whether objectively true or not) that you have no other choice but to accept a low-paying or otherwise exploitive job, thus feeling like even more of a failure?
Perhaps a change of metaphor is called for here, instead, (or a “reframing,” if you prefer cognitive psychology talk.)
For many women, this may mean acting more like the stereotypical ballsy male. According to many of my own career advice books, sports metaphors are very popular with men. Perhaps they should be more so with women, too… especially in what is still a male-dominated workforce. Why not try it and see if it works better than drumming up a demoralizing “Plan B”?
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Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Professor of History, Harvard University
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Imagine you are the star quarterback. If that feels too arrogant, Get Over It! When it comes to furthering your own career, you SHOULD consider yourself a star, so that you can also present yourself as such.
If you are a woman, imagine that you are the most badass, muscular female quarterback ever to hit the pros, and that you’ve made it all the way to the Super Bowl!
You are on the verge of winning it all!
And here’s the thing: star quarterbacks play to win. They intentionally don’t HAVE an alternative plan.
Can you imagine a coach telling his team before the Super Bowl that they should play hard but also be prepared to lose? And what if the coach also insists on a time out so he can tell your team how long the odds are, not because he expects you to beat those odds but because he insists that you all be prepared to graciously concede the game to the stronger team?
Would a badass star quarterback on the verge of winning the Super Bowl really put “Being a Good Sport” at the top of her agenda?
And would she still want to play for such a coach?
If imagining yourself as a star quarterback is not a helpful metaphor for you, then by all means throw it out.
But if it resonates at all, then you might want to consider: what are your friends, colleagues, coaches, and even family members telling you about your own merits and abilities? Are they supportive, or are they really counseling you to lose?
As if you needed any more discouragement, come on now!!
Play to win. Men play that way, and so should you.
