Almostgotit.com

You may already have read “Invisible Mother,” (text below). As best as I can tell it’s been circulating online since at least 2005, via email, message boards, and dozens and dozens of blogs — but it is always credited to a nameless author.

Because she’s invisible. Get it?

I do not like to post things without an artist’s permission, much less without attribution. That’s called “plagiarism,” and is a form of theft.

Nevertheless, the hundreds of postings by hundreds of women all happily conspiring with the invisible author to keep her that way is wonderfully ironic, quite aside from the funny loveliness of the piece itself.
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Women still have an uneasy relationship with power and the traits necessary to be a leader. There is this internalized fear that if we are really powerful, we are going to be considered ruthless or pushy or strident—all those epithets that strike right at our femininity.

So begins an article on Women in Leadership, in which eleven women from different backgrounds tell their own stories about how they arrived at the place we call “success.”   Read it!  
Creative Commons  photo by Meretsoleil2

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While I do not love every word written (or philosophy espoused) by Marianne Williamson, I do love these words: 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

Creative Commons Photo by estherase

Well, that was a strange little interlude.

It seems my predecessor wasn’t quite so eager to resign after all, which wouldn’t necessarily be a problem except that the Board of Directors wasn’t quite sure they could do (ANYTHING) without her, either. So I decided they’d have to do without me instead, and here I am.

The “no succession plan” scenario is, unfortunately, far too common in the nonprofit world (most churches require retiring ministers to leave the congregation entirely, for this very reason). Perhaps this Board will do a better job next time; for my part, I suppose I’ll chalk it up to learning how to fail faster; I was just glad I saw the no-win situation for what it was as soon as I did, and got out before there were any actual murders.

My friend Emily has asked me to guest-host her “Rocky Road of Love” blog for the next week or so (starting Monday) while she is in PARIS doing some research (she’s a writer, and does that sort of thing.) I think she mainly wants to see me get off my dark-night-of-the-soul butt, but it’s very kind of her and I think it will be a lot of fun. Stay tuned!

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Career or blog in a rut? Find a Traveler

I’ve always enjoyed Steven Covey and similar gurus for their no-nonsense approach to leadership, productivity and personal effectiveness.

Sometimes though, a little home-spun kitsch and fun are in order as well! I discovered the Sidetracked Home Executives many years before there really was a “web,” and I must say the self-described “slob sisters” seem to be aging well. Sister Pam even has started her own inspirational website, and it is hilarious!

The amazing Fly Lady is not to be missed either. I’ve seen many of her best ideas espoused by the most sophisticated organization experts, and I strongly suspect she has mentored more than a few of them. Don’t miss her “Eleven Commandments”

If Steven Covey and co. are like the Serious Uncles disseminating jewels of advice over glasses of sherry in the drawing room, Pam, Peggy and FlyLady are like the big-boned, wildly-dressed Grandmas in the kitchen who are always good for a cookie and a funny story. We need both kinds of mentors, I think.

We have to leave town in less than 24 hours for our two-week vacation.  Much as I tried to get a jump on everything in advance (arranging a pet & garden sitter, buying all the tickets, renting the car, paying the bills…) things come crashing in, nonetheless.  My colleagues decide to move all our websites to a new server, TODAY.  All of the animals need new flea & heartworm stuff from the vet TODAY.  Both kids (BOTH!) have to go to the doctor TODAY.  One child has a friend who needs a ride from one end of town, the other child left her shorts at the other end of town, and both the friend and shorts are required here, in our house.  TODAY.   I’ve got several vitally-important things to get in the mail.  My new cell phone needs to be  set up.   My laptop keys are all sticking again, and this is the computer I have to take with me on the plane.

And.  Just now, a few minutes ago, I got a Phone Call.  From The Institution That Shall Not be Named.  From someone who did NOT hire me several months ago.  Turns out they have a new position, still have my resume on file, and want me to go for an interview.  TOMORROW MORNING.   I’ve long since stopped looking at their job listings.  Never again did I intend to go through the wringer with these folks.   But I’m going to do it, and I’m going to do it cold, because I don’t have any time to do it any other way.  Well, I might take a shower first… 

(and guys?  this is exactly one of those reasons to be gracious after being rejected for a job!!! )

10. Just keep trying.
9. Try to determine what is working.
8. Try to determine what is not working.
7. Try to find someone who’s done it.
6. Try to ask for help.
5. Try it again tomorrow.
4. Try it a little differently.
3. Try once more.
2. Try again.
1. Try.

Kind of beautiful, isn’t it?  I saw this on a giant poster in an educational supply store.  It’s also featured in November 2006 issue of The Lorraine Hansberry Library News, and that’s about it.  I gather then that these words are meant for children.  Perhaps adults are too cynical to hear them, or have discovered already that trying isn’t always enough.  Or is it?  At what point in our lives do we lose our limitless potential?  When is it that we can no longer grow up to be the president of the United States? 

Just keep trying.  Find mentors.  Ask for help.  Focus on the positive (what’s already working) while carefully defining any remaining barriers (what’s not working.)  Take a break when you need to and try it again tomorrow.  Instead of giving up entirely, try it just once or twice more, or try it with a slightly different approach. 

The Economist, among others, has been busily debunking the enduring American dream of endless economic opportunity and upward mobility.  That dream is dead, they tell us, and we need a new one.  The realists, these adults among us, are insisting that we read their reports and statistics that show us how limited we truly are by our educations and our socio-economic status.

The reports are true.  The inequities are real, and they are growing.  

But.

No population study can ever define an individual.   This is why, in addition to The Economist, we also have stories.  This is why we have The Lord of the Rings and The Little Engine that Could.  We buy these books for our children but, if we’re honest, we know we need them, too. 

And if we are not only honest but decent, we will not be content with lying to our children about things we don’t believe any more ourselves.  And what we are telling our children is this:  no set of aggregate numbers can ever describe a single person.  No statistical level of improbability ever stopped a hobbit.

So just keep trying. 

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Hanging in (and blonder, too)

Here it finally is, as requested, for my two sisters, who bought me a pedicure several months ago when I had a family member in the hospital.  I couldn’t do it until yesterday, but it was quite fun getting my feet all sanded and varnished.  And glued.  There were no magazines to read, but you can’t read anyway because the lights are really low. So instead your mind just wanders.

For instance. Have you ever seriously considered how really weird toes are?

I also couldn’t help but wonder about all the other women who were also getting spa-ish things done to themselves in the middle of a week-day, and about what interesting choices we first-worlders make with our disposable income.  My “nail technician” asked if I’d come from work, and I told her that no, I’d been home chopping wood.

That made me feel really interesting and different from all of those other shallow women, until my technician told me she’d grown up on her Asian family’s local dairy farm.  And also that she is dyslexic, wants to be a famous scientist, and has an ex-boyfriend who is probably going to go to film school.

I wonder if my dairy-farming nail technician had shown a particular talent for prying foreign objects from cow hoofs, and so made the logical career decision.  And do you think she may have trimmed one of my big toe nails a tiny-bit-crookedly?

Not that I’m calling anyone’s wrongs to mind or remembering them this week with any obsessive particularity, especially while a person I want to hug is ministering so carefully to my hooves.  But here’s a new set of gospel verses I wrote while I sat there without reading material.  The first one is called “it is easiest to forgive other people for calling you names if you are first allowed to dismiss them as wee, snotty little dweebs.”  One of the verses that follows a little further down on the same page is ”It’s also good to remember the many advantages that can accrue for those who really are, at least occasionally, (1) nasty (2) lazy (3) uppity (4) a princess (!!) and (5) even capable of “having hissy fits all over the web.”  

Uppity Royal Pedicures, for instance.  And also, *bonus feature!*  the little pink foam-core sandals they gave me when I left are already being redeemed into wonderful new things by my 11-yr old artist daughter.

My new website  is already up and running, thanks to my brilliant brother, so stay tuned for the new URL sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Whoo-hoo!  I just got cited on a site called BEST MASSAGE VIDEOS

Today I went and got my hair done.  You know, that thing I swore I’d never do, ten years ago?  When I decided to be the only woman left in my city with undyed hair?

Well, Forget THAT!  

So anyway, for the rest of the day I get to go around smelling beautifully of coconut and bananas, with accents of ammonia, which is just one of those little ways I remind myself I’m special.

Much sweeter, though, is the support of my friends.  Which also, by the way, costs a  heck of a lot less than my hair appointment did.   :)

Emily brought me a gorgeous present today and also paid me a most wonderful compliment about my employability (which she called “advice”).  My own husband spent a fair amount of time yesterday ignoring his other important email so he could answer mine instead.  (He said, re the toad people, that he’s got my back.  And I said he can have other sides of me too if he wants, just for that!)

And then this lovely note (which I use with permission) arrived from one of those serendipitous people who appear in one’s life sometimes and make more difference than they know:

Dear Almost,

I read your posting on turning down the IT job – and decided to offer a private reply/encouragement.

The choices one is faced with as a working/would-be-working mom are so tough!  Through my 20+ years of parenting, I have – in turn – been at home (multiple times), started a business (multiple times), been an independent contractor (multiple times), been a part-time employee (multiple times) and worked full-time (multiple times).  Navigating through each step involved hard decisions, trying to take into account where I was, where my spouse was and where our kids were at that particular stage and doing the best I could by everyone.  Some choices I would repeat, others not – but that’s the benefit of hindsight.

It sounds like you followed your instincts and made the best choice – so hopefully you can move past the toads and vinegar faced ladies (and any second guessing of your own) and look ahead to the next opportunity.  It can be so tempting to sell ourselves short just to get everybody off our back – but not worth it in the longer haul, as we have so much to contribute!

Hang in there!

I will, and thanks to all y’all. 

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