Almostgotit.com

We spent Easter with dear friends, and we were put in charge of the ham.

It’s not difficult to find ham in Tennessee, but there’s plain old ham and there’s delicious, yummy, breathtakingly *good* ham.

So once a year or so, we have been in the habit of visiting a certain store which I shall not name here for legal reasons.

At Christmas and Easter, the lines are so long that the store moves its cash registers to a booth outside, and hires a police officer to manage the traffic going in and out of the small parking lot. I went a little earlier this year to get my ham, and had to stand in line anyway.

I shuffled past the displays of side dishes and flavored mustards, declined the free sample of smoked turkey breast, and finally arrived at the counter where I ordered a smallish half-ham. My mouth watered as the clerk presented me with the fragrant, foil-wrapped prize, which he opened for my inspection.

Ah.

“Yes, that will be fine,” I said, politely swallowing my drool. I only peeked at the price as I was walking to the teller. I had just selected a *FIFTY DOLLAR* ham.

$51.27, to be perfectly exact.

That’s 25 meals at a local homeless shelter. A week of groceries for some American families. Half a month’s wage in rural Russia. Two and a half flocks of ducks for Heifer project. A year’s worth of learning materials for 11.4 school children in Zimbabwe (or 5 school children in either Mozambique and Rwanda). Four complete sets of immunizations for children in Haiti.

And part of one wonderful, celebratory meal a year for eight good friends in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Do you struggle with things like this, too?

Many thanks to my readers for sending me the latest financial news.

Apparently busy, employed, successful people buy a lot of deodorant, while the stress of an economic downturn sends folks back to the drug store for their constipation.

Who knew? (thanks, Marsquat.)

While laxative sales are going up, thermostats are going down, which is why you should buy each of your friends and relatives a slanket this Christmas. They’re so cool they’re hot! (hat tip Shane.)

Don’t you worry, either, about buying more laxatives and slankets in this economy. This is still America, where buying stuff is good.

In fact, you should buy lots and lots of new clothes and shoes, and feel downright virtuous about it, because now all your castaways can be made into backbacks and basketball courts. Along with other really necessary stuff, like gym totes, that Target can sell to you all over again.