Almostgotit.com

Anything that comes out of the South is going to be called grotesque by the northern reader, unless it is grotesque, in which case it is going to be called realistic. - Flannery O’Connor

Photos by WWW.POWNETWORK.ORG

Well, as it turns out, Knoxville evangelist Ernie Ray Lester didn’t really fight in Vietnam.

His 23 war wounds? The single-handed killing of thousands of Vietnamese? Waiting for rescue as the sole survivor of a massive enemy ambush?

Not so much.

But he did work as a biker assassin.  Really, he did.

And as for getting rammed at full speed by the Lincoln Continental? while collecting on a drug debt? which “knocked my eyes out of my head and my teeth out of my mouth” until they got sewed back in again by a biker doctor?  That really happened, too.  But not in Houston, as he’d said before. 

“That was Atlanta,”  he corrected the record on Friday.

Faced by a flood of evidence provided by attorneys, law enforcement officials, and other folk, Ernie Ray Lester has agreed to update his testimony a wee bit. 

I think he should consider opening a sperm bank, as well.

He respects Owl, because you can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right.”
- A. A. Milne

There really isn’t much else to say about Tuesday, once a person knows how to spell it.

Okay, so there’s a mediocre restaurant called Ruby Tuesday and a mediocre actress called Tuesday Weld.  There’s also a rock band called  ”The Almost Famous Tuesdays.” 

See?  Why aren’t they The  Famous Tuesdays? 

Folks, I think they’re on to something.  Tuesday needs our help.

Fortunately, with the aid of an online poem generator, I was able to come up with some new Tuesday Literature that I really think may finally break the fame barrier.

WHERE IS THE LIVELY FISH?
LORD, DEATH!
FALL TRIPPINGLY LIKE A ROUGH TUESDAY. 

WOW, COURAGE!
O, DEATH!
WHERE IS THE SUNNY TUESDAY?

WHY DOES THE ICE CREAM ENDURE?
ROUGH, TICKLISH TUESDAYS CALMLY VIEW A COLD, MISTY SEASON. 

ALL ICE CREAMS FIGHT RAINY, TICKLISH TUESDAYS.
THE TUESDAY GROWS LIKE A LIVELY VOMIT. 

What do you think?