Almostgotit.com

Photos by Almostgotit’s Daughter

This is Jerry, the purebred Rhodesian Fridge-Snack.  Isn’t he precious?  Isn’t he as cute as  little button?

His Aunt Mary thinks so.  Aunt Mary is taking Jerry’s picture.  Smile, Jerry!

Jerry is so sweet, he just brought Aunt Mary his Wubby. 

Yes, that is too Wubby.  Well, that is Wubby the Second, but we don’t want to talk about that.

Oh, look.  How cute.  Jerry is giving Wubby a little kiss.

Jerry is kissing Wubby. 

That IS a kiss, isn’t it, Jerry?

Uh oh.  That’s not a kiss. 

Oh, don’t look, Mary. something primal is taking over.  Jerry is transforming. 

PLEASE don’t look, Mary.  It’s…. It’s…

It’s Mr. Gomez!  Jerry is no longer Jerry!  He has transformed into his evil alter ego,  Mister Gomez.

Oh, stop taking pictures, Mary.  Don’t look! 

MISTER GOMEZ IS KILLING WUBBY!

Please don’t look, Mary.  It’s too terrible. 

PLEASE don’t look, Mary!

Poor, POOR Wubby.  Bad, BAD Mr. Gomez!!

Aunt Mary has put away her camera.  Aunt Mary has packed her bags and left. 

It is time to get out the vacuum cleaner.

It is also time to go to Goodwill and buy another Wubby.

Genuine Rhodesian FridgeSnack, age 2 yrs. Excellent time management tool: esp. adept at waking family at Good-God-O’clock on freezing Feb. Monday mornings with loud vomiting sounds, forcing prompt action as well as hurried making of fires and coffee. 

Effective: collects & contains all fleas within 5 mile radius, 12 mos/yr, further assuring early am wakefulness as family has been kept alert all night due to great deal of loud scratching.

Helpful: Will clean out your litter boxes, sort through your garbage, and assist in controlling your caloric intake by stealing and eating the egg breakfast you didn’t need this morning, anyway. 

Efficient: once family is thoroughly activated at Good-God-O’Thirty, will then rest up for the rest of the day to better serve again the next morning.

My First Pair.  12-year-old helped me pick them out.  I don’t actually need them for reading yet, but just to see very tiny things at very close range: like microscopic splinters, and tiny registration codes on computer towers which you have to climb under tables and hang upside-down to see in the first place. 

Are they not badass and bodacious?

This is the pitiful, drugged-out creature parked in a chair next to my computer today.  Jerry had surgery on his paw this morning, and doesn’t want to eat, or drink, or move.  Just gives a pitiful little whine every now and then.

It’s just a wee bit hard to concentrate on my work.

Do you want a drink? A popsicle?  Should I turn up the heat?  Can I get you something to read?  I keep asking him, as I plump up his pillows.  I have several bottles of pills for him, too, which he can’t have until he eats something.

Are you ready to eat yet?  A sausage sandwich, maybe?  Would you like one of the cats?

Pitiful.

I have a deadline in two days, too.  So what do I do… take him to childcare?  Hire a sitter? 

Maybe I should just tell him to snap out of it.  Hey! Come on, Buddy!  You think your life is tough?!?  It was just a glorified HANGnail, for goodness sake.  Get over yourself already!  Hey!  Up and at ‘em!!

Aww, shucks…