Almostgotit.com

I’m still at it, so shoot me.  I figure as long as this domestic spirit is upon me, however, I should go with it.  Thus:

Q. What do you do with a bare wall and a daughter’s suggestion that the den should be full of art?  That doesn’t cost anything? And that looks half-way decent?

A.  Cover 3 campaign yard signs (the kind made of corrugated plastic) with 3 beautiful dishtowels someone gave you that match the room colors perfectly.  Nail to the wall.  Thumb tacks work beautifully on these “bulletin boards” to mount a rotating display of kid art… 

Q. What do you do with a surface (top of the bookshelves) that collects piles of everybody’s stuff no matter how much you tell people to put their stuff away?

A. Apply a little “pile penicillin” by covering the surfaces with thrift-store baskets filled with computer and electronics stuff.  Baskets can be labelled with cardboard labels, hole-punched, hand-lettered,  and tied to the baskets with nice bits of leftover fabric ribbon.

Q. How to roll out and cut our family’s favorite Nova Scotia Oatcakes without making a mess or buying anything extra?

A. Plastic cereal box liners, opened to lie flat,  are sturdy and large enough to make great no-stick roll-out cloths (good for candy-making, too… drop the candies on the liners to harden, and they’ll peel right off.)  When finished with the cookies, you just roll up the whole mess and throw it away.  A mason jar screw-top lid is the perfect size for cutting the cookies (biscuits, too!), without the getting-cookies-stuck-in-a-vacuum problem that using a drinking glass always has.

Because I only have a very boring To Do List today, I thought I’d borrow a more interesting one from my daughter who tends to write and post such things on her bedroom door. 

Ten Useless Things To Do

1.  Paint your room black.  Say that this is so you can hide from Them more easily.  Refuse to further discuss the matter.

2.  Decide to speak in German all day.  Extra points if you don’t actually know German.

3.  Call a real estate agent and see if you can have a house delivered to you that evening.  When he/she refuses, complain that if you can do it with pizza, you should be able to get houses that way too.

4.  Sign your name as “Pooh Bear IV” on your homework from now on.

5.  Tell your teacher that you are going to be a caveman when you grow up and therefore do not need to learn math.

6.  Declare a new holiday.  Name it after yourself.

7.  Turn the thermostat down low and pour a few gallons of water on the floor.  Attach metal blades to your sneakers with duct tape.  See if you can ice-skate.

8.  Say your bed sprained its ankle.  Sleep on the floor for a couple of weeks.

9.  Read all the cookbooks you can find.  See if any of them have a recipe for a knuckle sandwich.

10.  Call 911.  Explain that you are bored, and ask if you could go for a ride in one of the fire trucks.