Good news: laxative sales are up
Many thanks to my readers for sending me the latest financial news.
Apparently busy, employed, successful people buy a lot of deodorant, while the stress of an economic downturn sends folks back to the drug store for their constipation.
Who knew? (thanks, Marsquat.)
While laxative sales are going up, thermostats are going down, which is why you should buy each of your friends and relatives a slanket this Christmas. They’re so cool they’re hot! (hat tip Shane.)
Don’t you worry, either, about buying more laxatives and slankets in this economy. This is still America, where buying stuff is good.
In fact, you should buy lots and lots of new clothes and shoes, and feel downright virtuous about it, because now all your castaways can be made into backbacks and basketball courts. Along with other really necessary stuff, like gym totes, that Target can sell to you all over again.
