Almostgotit.com

Click image at left to see video.  Worth it, I promise.

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I was waiting for my son today in a small, crowded waiting room. 

Several people’s cell phones went off while I was there, team fight songs and choruses of The Who playing loudly for the rest of us to enjoy.

GOOD!! OLE!!! ROCKY TOP!! sang an orange purse,  as an older woman in an embroidered denim outfit fumbled to answer it.

The man who kept forgetting his paperwork at the window spoke softly into his RAZR about the weather and his love for the caller.  His beloved, however, had such a resonant bass voice that I’m sure he sings opera.

The lady in the denim outfit worked out some details for a dinner party before hanging up.

Finally, just as I was settling into the latest news about Brangelina, a blonde woman in a bright pink sweater answered her phone. 

“HELLO?  YES?  YES, I LEFT HIM A MESSAGE!  HA HA HA!” 

I pointedly put down my magazine and glared at her, but she didn’t notice. 

“WHAT?   I LEFT HIM A MESSAGE.  HA HA HA!!   ARE YOU A SCORPIO? 

Yes, as it happens, I *am* a Scorpio.

“I’ll TALK TO HIM.  I LEFT HIM A MESSAGE.  I KNOW!!! HA HA HA!”

The scorpion  leaned forward.  “Excuse me.  Could you please take that into the hall?” 

She glared at me. ”“Are you going to come and GET me if they call my name?”  

“No,” I said, suddenly abashed that an insensitive person would actually continue to be insensitive.   “Maybe, um, you should call them back later?” 

My face felt hot.  Clearly she wasn’t going to budge.  Everyone else in the waiting room was pointedly looking at their own magazines and feet.  My last chance.  “It’s just… really loud.” 

How lame. 

But who did I think I was, Captain Kirk?  Capable of changing an entire civilization with a single speech?   The woman continued her conversation just long enough afterwards to make the point that I didn’t have one.  A point, I mean.

However, when her phone rang again a few minutes later, she quietly turned it off, pointedly looking at her own magazine.

HEAD COACH – FOOTBALL-Men’s Athletics- Pay Grade 45, DOE&Q, Extensive experience as a Professional or Collegiate Division I football coach. Knowledge of NCAA rules and regulations. Possesses extensive experience in collegiate athletic recruiting. Ability to interact with the public and at necessary functions to promote good public relations for the football program. Highest degree of honesty and integrity in dealing with student-athletes, coaches, media, public and administration. Knowledge of SEC and University rules and regulations. Extensive ability to recruit student-football athletes and ability to maintain knowledge of applicable NCAA and SEC rules and regulations. Interested candidates should contact Neinas Sports Services, 6630 Gupark Drive, Suite 200, Boulder, Colorado 80301. (303) 530-5566. Fax: (303) 530-5371.

The University of Tennessee must be really cutting corners, as they are now  hoping to hire a new head football coach for only $45,096.60 per year, according to UT’s salary payscale.

Is it possible that Tennessee’s athletic program is finally sharing the pain of the state’s massive budget cuts?

While there are hundreds of people at UT, mostly women, who are still willing to work full-time for considerably less than $20,000 per year, I somehow doubt the Vols are going to replace Phil Fulmer for an insulting $45K. 

But maybe the athletic department is plumb out of money following the $6-7 MILLION buyout for ousting Fulmer – and maybe the rest of UT won’t lend it to them this time, either, after footing the bill for the previous enormous buyout for the previously-ousted football coach.

Or maybe this ad is a pro-forma piece of HR gobbledegook which isn’t fooling anyone.