Right now: 

read it again!

There really isn’t much else to say about Tuesday, once a person knows how to spell it.

Okay, so there’s a mediocre restaurant called Ruby Tuesday and a mediocre actress called Tuesday Weld.  There’s also a rock band called  ”The Almost Famous Tuesdays.” 

See?  Why aren’t they The  Famous Tuesdays? 

Folks, I think they’re on to something.  Tuesday needs our help.

Fortunately, with the aid of an online poem generator, I was able to come up with some new Tuesday Literature that I really think may finally break the fame barrier.

WHERE IS THE LIVELY FISH?
LORD, DEATH!
FALL TRIPPINGLY LIKE A ROUGH TUESDAY. 

WOW, COURAGE!
O, DEATH!
WHERE IS THE SUNNY TUESDAY?

WHY DOES THE ICE CREAM ENDURE?
ROUGH, TICKLISH TUESDAYS CALMLY VIEW A COLD, MISTY SEASON. 

ALL ICE CREAMS FIGHT RAINY, TICKLISH TUESDAYS.
THE TUESDAY GROWS LIKE A LIVELY VOMIT. 

What do you think?

Look what I’ve got.  NEW BOOKS!  James Viscosi sent them to me… plus also, he wrote them, too!

Here’s what it says on the back cover:

When Mercenaries invade her lair and slaughter her hatchlings, T’Sian the dragon embarks on a quest for revenge that takes her across the continent and plunges her deep into a human culture that she has always scorned.  Recruiting unexpected allies and facing surprising foes, the dragon ultimately finds herself caught up in a struggle to save humanity from its greatest threat: Itself.

I bought them for gifts, but I’ve long-sinced learned the trick every compulsive reader knows:  how to read someone else’s book without breaking the back to give yourself away!  So excuse me, blog time is over as I have some, erm, LAUNDRY to do…

Ten Useless Things To Do

1.  Paint your room black.  Say that this is so you can hide from Them more easily.  Refuse to further discuss the matter.

2.  Decide to speak in German all day.  Extra points if you don’t actually know German.

3.  Call a real estate agent and see if you can have a house delivered to you that evening.  When he/she refuses, complain that if you can do it with pizza, you should be able to get houses that way too.

4.  Sign your name as “Pooh Bear IV” on your homework from now on.

5.  Tell your teacher that you are going to be a caveman when you grow up and therefore do not need to learn math.

6.  Declare a new holiday.  Name it after yourself.

7.  Turn the thermostat down low and pour a few gallons of water on the floor.  Attach metal blades to your sneakers with duct tape.  See if you can ice-skate.

8.  Say your bed sprained its ankle.  Sleep on the floor for a couple of weeks.

9.  Read all the cookbooks you can find.  See if any of them have a recipe for a knuckle sandwich.

10.  Call 911.  Explain that you are bored, and ask if you could go for a ride in one of the fire trucks.

Anyone with a gift for words and access to a pen or keyboard can be a writer, and anyone who is a writer will write. If by ‘break into writing,’ however, you mean ‘write and get paid for it,’ you’ll also need an alchemist’s brew of talent, humility, luck, and perseverance.

Creative Commons photo by Rita Banerji

If you’re serious about writing and getting paid for it, Rule #1 is ‘Don’t be so arrogant as to think you have all the good ideas.’ To break in, you have to be willing to try any number of genres you think you might be able to handle, then run with the ones that work, whether or not you’re particularly interested in them. If you have your heart set on sports commentary and someone offers you a job plotting Web murder mysteries, go for the mysteries. If you think biography is your forte and you get a chance to write television ads, write as many of those suckers as you can.

Why so callous an approach? Rule #2. The sad truth about writing is this: ‘If you’re not writing for pay you’re not likely to get paid for writing.’ You have to finagle your way into the field, then manage to stay here, all the while constantly cultivating your contacts. If you don’t know someone or know someone who knows someone who needs a writer, you won’t get the job. If you don’t know someone or know someone who knows someone with the power to get you published, you won’t get published.

There are a number of ancillary rules, of course, like ‘Don’t whine,’ ‘Never miss a deadline,’ ‘Never turn down a gig, no matter how slammed you are.’ In the end, though, it all comes down to this:

Writing, as Annie Savoy said of baseball in the Ron Shelton classic film Bull Durham, ‘may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.’ And for a working writer, it’s the best job on earth.

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Emily Anderson is the author of All-American Comfort Food and The Pursuit of Happy Results: Barry Spann and the Making of Twenty-Seven Landscapes.  Emily writes for television and the Web and is on the staff of Paris Notes.

Emily’s blog: The Rocky Road of Love and Other Great Recipes.

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Creative Commons photo by BabyDinosaur

Someone recently asked me how they could get into the writing field.  Here’s my answer, and I’ve also asked some of my professional- writer friends to add their own two bits (see comment section, below!)

Writers write. End of sentence. There’s no more to the definition of “writer” than that.

I suspect that “getting into the writing field” means something else, however. As in: making money, or getting attention of some sort for one’s writing. Oh dear. “Don’t give up your day job” is about all I have to say about the money part, and “start a blog” is all I have to say for the second.

All sorts of people get paid for their writing who don’t think of themselves as “writers.” People write reports, letters, reviews, and even email every day in their jobs. Why is this sort of writing always discounted? Writers write. Writers who want to make money with their writing most likely are already doing it.

That’s not what you meant, I know: you want to wear a beret and write in coffee houses, and to earn $100,000 advances just for being brilliantly-articulate YOU.

NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

Go ahead and do the coffee house thing on your day off: there’s nothing to stop you. And get that $100,000 the same way other people do it, by researching and writing up a great idea for the boss you already have.

If, however, you still refuse to give up the whole, romantic, “follow your dreams!” stuff, go buy yourself the latest edition of Writer’s Market. That’s what my cousin-who-writes-articles-and-stuff-for-a-living told ME to do.

Plus also? I got my current writing job because of connections, not personal brilliance. Sound familiar? Sound just like any other kind of job? BINGO.

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Cross-posted at Blogher.com

No, not really.  Really I am so *glad* to have this editing job, even though my client keeps rewriting everything after I’ve already checked it.

I told her I’m neither dull nor disciplined enough to be a mere COPY editor, and apparently she believed me.  So really I’m helping someone else write a book, instead of writing my own book. 

Next time I need to charge more though, I think.

Whine, whine, whine. 

Did I also mention I’d pulled a muscle in my back, which makes it really hard to sit down and edit in the first place? 

I’m too young to have a pulled muscle in my back.

Plus also I’m totally going blind and can’t read with one eye when I have my contacts in, and so I might even have a deadly brain tumor.

Because I’m far too young to need reading glasses.

And besides who ever heard of needing reading glasses just for one eye? 

A brain tumor, for sure.

And why am I rewriting this whole book for someone else when I have a pulled back muscle and a brain tumor, you ask?  Why am I not in the hospital instead?

Because getting a pedicure and going out to lunch is a lot more fun.  Cheers!

(Thanks to Kathy for sending me the funny LOL catz photo)

Wouldn’t you know.

No sooner had I decided to post about Karen Burns’ new book (I’m so proud!!)  than I heard about another new book, also about the world of work, and also available by pre-order discount.

(( Subliminal message: Buy, Buy, Buy!! ))

Plus also,  I’m related to one of the authors. That’s (part of) him in the photo, holding an advance copy.  Woo hoo!

Wired to Care: how companies prosper when they create widespread empathy even has its own website.  Including — OMG — a review by my absolute hero, Malcolm Gladwell.

Way to go, Pete!  And congrats to my dear friend Kathy, who happens to be his mother.