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Archive for the ‘writing’

At least *Huckabee* got the joke

February 25, 2008 By: almostgotit Category: humor, jokes, writing 4 Comments →

Humor and intelligence: one of our newspaper’s AP syndicaters seems to lack both. (I’m referring to the the source of those brief celebrity bits that our local paper always has on page two.. once they had Tony Blair married to Queen Elizabeth, attending an event with their son Prince Phillip. I’ve clipped & saved that “totally dumb Americans” column for all eternity….)

Anyway, they had one today about Mike Huckabee’s Saturday Night Live appearance over the weekend. The paper was crowing about how ironically clueless he is… he was on the “Weekend Update” segment (the skit where they all play news achors) and Huckabee announced he was staying in the prez race but wouldn’t overstay his welcome if the time came to leave. And then the skit moved on but Huckabee wouldn’t get off the stage, despite “repeated cues” from other cast members.

Um… hello? That’s called COMEDY, people???

Boat and Breakfast: Salmon Quiche

February 18, 2008 By: almostgotit Category: Emily Anderson, blogging, food, humor, recipes, writing No Comments →

I’m guest blogging this week over at the Rocky Road of Love, where foodies Sam and Harry have finally married each other and are off on their honeymoon. I’ve been trying to guess where they are and what they might be eating. Today I’ve got them staying at a floating resort in Canada, accessible only by sea plane, feeding them a wonderful salmon quiche (recipe provided!) Come by for a visit!

Madeleine L’Engle, RIP

September 08, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: Madeleine L'Engel, Uncategorized, writers, writing 2 Comments →

Madeleine L'Engel in 2004

Photo by MSNBC

You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.

The world of science lives fairly comfortably with paradox. We know that light is a wave, and also that light is a particle. The discoveries made in the infinitely small world of particle physics indicate randomness and chance, and I do not find it any more difficult to live with the paradox of a universe of randomness and chance and a universe of pattern and purpose than I do with light as a wave and light as a particle. Living with contradiction is nothing new to the human being.

I do not think that I will ever reach a stage when I will say, “This is what I believe. Finished.” What I believe is alive … and open to growth.

Our truest responsibility to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find the truth.

Author Madeleine L’Engle died yesterday, at the age of 88 — still far too soon. God’s Peace, Madeleine.

More amazing spam poetry

August 31, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: humor, poetry, writing No Comments →

Naturally I only discover an idea after several others have already picked it up and run far, far away with it.

Kristin writes poetry using only the subject lines from the hundreds of pieces of spam she receives. Here’s her most recent endeavor:

I didn’t want to hurt your feelings

cheryl didn’t want you to know
your breath needs help
your weight is a problem
you aren’t what employers are looking for
nobody wants to hurt your feelings
you should ask yourself
why does anyone care about you?
Speaking of gouging my eyes out….
a personal letter from santa
writ large
let me tell your wife
you hate to be wrong.

Then there’s Morton, who’s created a whole Anthology of Spam Poetry blog, and pairs his poetry with vignettes of the folks who — probably ;) — wrote it.

Now What?

My friend, you are in trouble
I don’t think you know about this
We have bad news for you
Your credit card was removed
Your account has been limited
You have feelings of guilt and embarrassment
Your VISA is fraudulent and it will be suspended
Your order status: passion wasted
– Grover Ramos

When Mr. Ramos was five, his family packed everything they could carry and walked, rode buses and crawled their way from Columbia to cross over into the United States. They constantly crisscrossed the country seeking work on various farms and small factories, which has left Mr. Ramos to believe that he has seen and learned more about the United States than many natural born US citizens. His poem “Now What?” is characteristic of his work which tends to reflect on the cross modern dilemmas of the hyphenated American.

Career (or blog) in a rut? Find a good traveler.

August 28, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: Uncategorized, blogging, networking, writing 1 Comment →

When you’re traveling, ask the traveler for advice, not someone whose lameness keeps him in one place. – Rumi (13th century poet)

Michelle Goodman over at the Anti 9-5 guide is rethinking her very successful blog. Another of my favorites, Wishy the Writer is on a blogging hiatus, and now I’m reviewing things myself.

It happens. Anyone can start a blog… it’s keeping it up that’s the hard part. It takes a lot of time, it’s scary (who ARE all these invisible people haunting my pages, most without ever saying a word?) and sometimes it’s exhausting maintaining any kind of consistent theme or focus.

I don’t want to quit though. I’ve learned so much, and “met” so many cool people, and there are still so many ideas and directions to try out and explore. Emily over at The Rocky Road of Love and Other Great Recipes has hit upon a marvelous formula for her blog, though she’s still fairly new at it. Her professional experience writing to a schedule and writing for television, among other things, is for her a great advantage, and she has graciously offered to help me brainstorm a bit.

Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help from good people. I’ve also asked a friend (the executive director of a very successful inner-city non-profit) to be my “executive director buddy” and tell me everything he knows. Being too proud to ask these brilliant people for advice would just be too silly. Not everyone is qualified to give advice, of course, but when you find someone who is further ahead than you are, but still travelling themselves on the same road, you’ve found a pearl of great price.

Grab it, if you can!

Should I SEO this title by mentioning Penelope Trunk’s sex life? She’d love me to.

July 27, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: Uncategorized, blogging, exploitation, humor, writing 2 Comments →

We’ve come back from our vacation, and I’ve finished the latest Harry Potter book. (Mrs. Weasley ROCKS.) And I’ve also held, for the first time, an actual bound copy of my husband’s new book as well. It took him twelve long, hard years to write, and it’s beautiful.

But I haven’t been blogging. I’ve got writer’s block. I’ve got the photos, the notes, lots of ideas… but I’m sort of stuck.

So, you do what you can do. I’ve been catching up on several of my own favorite blogs. The Career Encourager has written some terrific posts lately, several of which have inspired me to write, well, more notes. She also posted a gracious link back to me last week — thanks, Peggy! And of course there’s Compensation Force, a terrific blog which on a personal level has been more helpful than I’ve been able to tell author Ann Bares… I’m just so impressed with the depth of her knowledge and her nuanced way of discussing compensation, salary scales, and how they really work — or ought to!

And then, there’s that “Brazen Careerist,” Ms. Penelope Trunk. (Have I used the word “brazen” yet?) Alas. Apparently she and her husband are now not speaking, and no she still hasn’t asked if he minds her blogging about their marriage, including her careful diagrams of his feelings and shortcomings, and yes she still “knows” he’s fine with it (though how she would know this when she’s determined not to ask him and he’s not speaking, I have no idea), and yes she’s also perfectly fine with being absolutely all out-there and public (she repeatedly assures us,) having apparently figured out how to live both sides of a relationship completely on her own, as in unilaterally, and moreover she loves all our comments, and so here I am giving her even more attention but no, I won’t include a link. Call it my one small feeble attempt at propriety, but you’ll just have to look THAT one up yourself. (Like, I’ve made it really hard!!!)

Penelope also suggests that we should all be blogging with our real names (she doesn’t. It’s complicated. But there, I’ve just given her a link after all) I agree with her reasoning on that one, and have always hoped to “come out” eventually myself. But maybe when I’m a little more “after the fact” and less in the thick of things.

All of which makes one more way to trick ones’ self, just a little, out of being stuck. So there.

Book tour cancelled: Taking my Damitol instead

June 08, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: Paris Hilton, anger, blogging, books, feminism, humor, jokes, writing 1 Comment →

Bloggers.  Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.  (Warning: grumpy post)

If a blog isn’t about the latest browser plug-in, it’s about Paris Hilton (did you know they just let her out of jail?  Something medical, apparently.)  If a blog’s not about either of these things, it’s about someone’s damn book tour.

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be going on a book tour.  But if that time ever comes in my life, would someone please remind me not to be so breezily “as-if” about it, e.g.,  as if everyone else reading my blog is either a fellow book-tour-er or else a no-life, craven fan?  How about a little humility and gratitude?  I mean, allowing for the fact that blogging is already such an exhibitionist and self-indulgent exercise.

Here’s what we need:

New Medications for Women, Bloggers, Women Bloggers, and Paris Hilton

The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the US. These new medications are available only by prescription.

  • D A M I T O L
    Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
  • ST. M O M ‘ S W O R T
    Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
  • E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
    Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
  • P E P T O B I M B O
    Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
  • D U M E R O L
    When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
  • F L I P I T O R
    Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
  • M E N I C I L L I N
    Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person … can we get naked now?”
  • B U Y A G R A
    Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
  • Extra Strength B U Y-O N E-A L
    When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
  • J A C K A S S P I R I N
    Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
  • A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A
    spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
  • S E X C E D R I N
    More effective than Excedrin in treating the, “Not now, dear, I have a headache,” syndrome.
  • R A G A M E T
    When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

– Derived from something I saw posted on a coffee shop bulletin board this morning.  With my newfound determination to respect  copyrights, here’s a source but very much doubt it’s the original one — see also here and here)

Copyright violation & blogging: a tricky subject

May 21, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: blogging, jokes, plagiarism, videos, writing 8 Comments →

I’ve long since learned that when my stomach hurts a certain way, I need to pay attention.  This was especially useful when it came to evaluating boyfriends in the old days (my wise old Yoda stomach always knew when it was time to dump them!)  

And now my stomach has hurt a couple of times in relation to this blog. 

Of greatest concern to my stomach have been a few things like intellectual property, copyright, fair use, and the intersection of these things and blogging.  I think most of us know that quotes should be properly attributed whenever possible.  And the documentation for Wordpress (my blogging host) basically okays the resyndication-by-linkage of YouTube videos (as Wordpress basically handles it by linking to the YouTube videos without actually hosting them)  In other words, if YouTube pulls them (as YouTube will, if complaint is lodged) the video will cease to function in a Wordpress blog, as well. 

There are also many things on the ‘net for which authorship can no longer be determined.  The resume bloopers I posted, for instance, were collected from a number of sites, all without attribution and all appearing on more than one site, as well, thus making it impossible even to identify the original online source.   

Jokes are even older than the internet, of course, and even harder to give sources for:  really, there are only three basic jokes in the world, I think, and all the rest are derived from these three!  (I must confess with some pride, however, that the Marilee Jones joke was almost entirely my own creation…)

Probably the real sticky problem is images, or pictures.  Photographers and artists own their intellectual and creative  property, and may even depend upon their work to make a living,  just as much as writers do.  Of course.  But many (most?) bloggers post other people’s photos and artwork, while very few (if any) of us are paying for them.

I think there are several ways to look at this problem.  “Fair Use” can be a tricky concept, but a great deal depends on whether one is financially profiting from someone else’s work, or using it for educational/instructive purposes, instead.   Blogging is commonly viewed as a kind of news reporting or commentary, and therefore would often seem to pass the 4-factor test for legal fair use

However.  While using properly-attributed images might seem analogous to including properly-attributed quotations, one rarely uses only part of an image.  Therefore, using someone else’s picture is probably more akin to using someone else’s entire poem.  And when is (or isn’t) this an okay thing to do? 

Another way of using images, which I’ve applied to some (non-profit) websites I’ve managed, is to make them into links to (and therefore, promotions of) the source site.  Is that legitimate?   (Then, of course, stealing bandwidth is  yet another issue, and few perps even know they’re doing it.  This is when you link directly to an image online, rather than downloading it first and then loading it to your own host.)

Because of the need to balance the surge of interest in the “open source” democratization of the internet with the need to protect the livelihoods and right of individual artists and authors, an increasing number of images are now made available through creative commons licensing, an alternative to full copyright protection with the goal of encouraging users to “Share, reuse, and remix — legally.”  

Anyhoo, for the sake of my stomach, I am going to go back through my posts and clean up a little. 

But I would also very much welcome further feedback and suggestions from my readers.   How does plagarism and copyright protection REALLY work in the blogosphere, and is it enough?  Is attribution enough?  Is it best to leave other’s work, especially images, out entirely?  (one can always LINK to them instead)

Please weigh in!  My stomach thanks you in advance.

Betsy’s Flowers

May 15, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: Mothers Day, gardens, jobless, music, photography, vocation, writing 7 Comments →

Betsy’s Pansies

Sunday, the youth group at church was selling “mums for mom,” so everyone was buying them and giving them to everyone else.  Sweetness. My own mother is 2000 miles away, so I gave a bouquet to the elegant Fasia instead, who has dubbed herself my “African Mother.”  She hugged me as usual, which I love because then I get to spend several hours afterwards smelling like her perfume.

Last year I gave a bouquet to my Neighbor Mother, Betsy.  I couldn’t this time around because she died in February.  She still gave me flowers, though: the pansies which she planted by her driveway last fall are still brightly in bloom.  Her irises were especially beautiful this year too, as were her daffodils and columbine.  Her Lenten roses began to bloom almost as soon as she left us, and one plant has blooms on it yet. 
 

Betsy’s Lenten Roses

I miss Betsy. 

She surprised us, at first, with her way of walking into our house without knocking.  Neighbors around here used to do that, I guess.  She taught us how to be neighbors, in a world that hardly has them anymore.  We mowed her lawn and she gave our daughter piano lessons in exchange.  Summers, we regularly trouped back and forth between her screened porch and our back patio, laden with potato salad and wine. 

During baseball season, she’d invite our son over to watch our team with her on cable (which we don’t have), and the two of them would share popcorn and shout themselves hoarse.

Betsy’s flowers

She didn’t want to live like a sick person.  She laughed raucously, kept up with a million friends, and continued to play with the symphony. 

She wanted to go to a place she remembered in the mountains one last time, so a group of us took her there.  She read us a letter from a friend who’d died of cancer, because the friend had the Words Betsy wanted.  She took off her wig and let us kiss her cute head, and we laughed. Raucously.  We didn’t know she’d only live a few weeks more. 

She died at home.  It worked out.  We took turns staying with her that whole last week, when the night nurse wasn’t there.  And I couldn’t have done that, made all those phone calls, spent all that time, if I’d had a job. 

All this past year, Betsy has been very worried that I didn’t have a job.  She even told me she’d find me one!  I was able hold her hand as she lay on her couch and finally tell her that seemed to be working out, too.

Betsy’s wall of flowers

The million friends showed up at her funeral, where YES a few of us even danced.  All the viola players in town seemed to be booked with La bohème that day, but Rachel’s soaring violin was so beautiful it made us cry.  And at the first symphony concert, after Betsy had died, they honored her with an empty chair.

I know it’s a few days late (she’d tease me for that, too) but Happy Mother’s Day, Betsy!

The size of thoughts

April 29, 2007 By: almostgotit Category: Nicholson Baker, books, poetry, reviews, thought, writers, writing 1 Comment →

Many years ago, a very tall man and I went on our first date.  After watching East of Eden in the campus auditorium, we went back to my dorm room, made popcorn, and talked. 

One of the things my new friend mentioned was an article he’d just read in the Atlantic Monthly called “The Size of Thoughts,” by Nicholson Baker.  It begins like this:

Each thought has a size, and most are about three feet tall, with the level of complexity of a lawnmower engine, or a cigarette lighter, or those tubes of toothpaste that, by mingling several hidden pastes and gels, create a pleasantly striped product. Once in a while, a thought may come up that seems, in its woolly, ranked composure, roughly the size of one’s hall closet. But a really large thought, a thought in the presence of which whole urban centers would rise to their feet, and cry out with expressions of gratefulness and kinship; a thought with grandeur, and drenching, barrel-scorning cataracts, and detonations of fist-clenched hope, and hundreds of cellos; a thought that can tear phone books in half, and rap on the iron nodes of experience until every blue girder rings; a thought that may one day pack everything noble and good into its briefcase, elbow past the curators of purposelessness, travel overnight toward Truth, and shake it by the indifferent marble shoulders until it finally whispers its cool assent—this is the size of thought worth thinking about.

Really large thoughts.  That’s what we talked about, and then he went home, and I couldn’t get to sleep that night because something huge had just happened, I could tell. 

Two years later, I married him.

A few years after that, with our children, I had cause to revisit an old friend, the illustrious Dr. Seuss.  Who wrote, of course  “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”

Sometimes, I channel Seuss, like this:

Maybe it matters, though,
Matters a lot.
Whether we don’t, or we do
have a thought.
It might make you rich -
But then it might not.
It might make no difference
or might make a lot.
It might be the kind
that gets in the way,
but it also might lead to
your future, that day.
            * * *

Mr. Baker makes the best point of all about the importance of thoughts, though, so my final words must be his:

Would it be possible to list those features that, taken together, confer upon a thought a lofty magnificence? What makes them so very large? My idle corollary hope is that perhaps a systematic and rigorous codification, on the model of Hammurabi’s or Napoleon’s, might make large thoughts available cheap, and in bulk, to the general public, thereby salvaging the 19th-century dream of a liberal democracy.

——-

Related Posts:
In defense of thoughts (part 1)
To have as many thoughts as possible (part 2)
The size of thoughts (part 3)